


Never-ending Story

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 13:25:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14473686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: The small altar stared at him, and those eyes did too, both mocking and accusing.Daiki hated that picture.





	Never-ending Story

Daiki woke up early that morning, just like any other day.

He made coffee and cooked breakfast, he brought them at the table and then tiptoed back to the bedroom, sitting at the edge of the bed and resting his hand lightly on the arm of the still sleeping boy.

Kei wasn’t particularly happy of being waken up, but it never took him long to become clear-minded.

He rolled into bed a couple of times, before sitting up and opening his eyes enough to understand where he was.

“Good morning.” he muttered, hoarse, a look on his face that Daiki couldn’t help but find adorable.

He had grown accustomed to that routine easily.

It had been a little less than a year since they had gotten together, a few months since they had moved in together, but it had always felt like the most natural thing in the world, as if it was a normal consequence, as if he hadn’t needed to get used to anything at all, because Kei’s presence fit perfectly in his life.

He had to make an effort to remind himself that it wasn’t actually like that.

His boyfriend followed him to the kitchen, and they had breakfast together.

As every single morning, Daiki finished first and put his plates in the sink, then stayed there looking at him.

And he would’ve done so for hours, even for the rest of his life had it proven useful, but he still wouldn’t have been able to convince himself that Kei was really there.

When they had first met, Arioka had liked straight away that falsely innocent look on the elder, that attitude and that delicate look that hid a boy stronger than he cared to show.

Daiki had fallen in love, and had done so keeping quiet, afraid to be disappointed perhaps, or perhaps just because all in all having him by his side was enough for him to be happy. Or satisfied, at least.

They had grown up too fast then, and with Kei that feeling had grown also, and the chance of telling him had become even more unlikely.

Because he had put himself in the game, because he had given his all for that friendship to the point of making it become real, because he could really be close to Kei as a friend, hiding what he felt even to himself, because he just couldn’t give up on him.

He had spent years stalling and finding excuses, and in the end he had lost all his chances to do something to keep at bay the instinct of grabbing Kei by his shoulders and tell him he loved him.

He had lost them the moment he had seen that look on the elder’s eyes, the same he was sure he had when no one else was watching.

He had listened to him. He had gave him some advices. He had pretended to be glad for him, and perhaps somehow he was.

He had been floored, nevertheless.

He had never deluded himself, he knew that sooner or later Kei would’ve fallen in love with someone, because it was inevitable.

But amongst everyone, he had never expected for him to fall for Yamada.

And then he had seen them together, and had been forced to change his mind.

He had seen them joking, smiling, fight and then make up, always.

He had seen them, they loved each other, and he had just kept watching all he had ever dreamed, and never really thought could belong to him.

And it didn’t, actually, not even now.

Feeling suddenly on the verge of a panic attack, he stopped looking at Kei and went to the living room.

The small altar stared at him, and those eyes did too, both mocking and accusing.

Daiki hated that picture.

It was good to bring him back to reality, when he still convinced himself he could’ve been happy, because it was like Ryosuke stared at him from it, looking at his life with Kei and making fun of him because he knew that the eldest didn’t love him.

And Daiki knew it also, it hadn’t taken him long to realise it.

Kei kissed him, held him, touched him and confessed a love he had never believed in.

Because he read the sadness in his eyes everytime they were together, because Kei cried at night when he thought Daiki wouldn’t see, when they both were kept up by the shadow of Yamada on them; the one Kei couldn’t forget, the one keeping Daiki from being happy.

Arioka wanted to eradicate that unhealthy presence from his boyfriend’s life, but he knew he was never going to.

He remembered that day, he remembered Yabu’s call telling him to get to the hospital, he remembered Kei’s endless crying when the on-call doctor had told them Ryosuke hadn’t made it.

An accident. A stupid accident.

And he remembered how guilty he had felt for that desire for Yamada to disappear, a guilt that had grown once Kei had started going too often at his place, when their relationship had become more intimate, when all of a sudden Kei had kissed him and had let Daiki bed him.

And Daiki had imagined countless times how it would’ve been to have sex with Kei, and none of his fantasies ended with the elder crying.

But that was what he was given and what he had taken, because he was never going to give up on him even though Kei didn’t love him, even though they were never going to be completely happy together.

He desired it too much to give it up because it wasn’t the love story of a lifetime.

He got closer to the altar, brushing his fingers over the picture.

Yamada was still alive inside that house.

He was still alive in Kei’s heart, he was still alive on his skin and in his gaze.

He was still alive between them, and as much as Daiki tried to ignore that, there were still that picture and Kei’s sadness bringing him harshly back to reality, reminding him that he had stolen a love that didn’t belong to him, reminding him that none of this was real.

Kei reached him, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his face against his back, listening to him breathing.

“What are you doing?” he murmured, and Daiki thought that more than a gesture of affection, the elder was trying not to look at Yamada.

He never did, not in front of him.

“Nothing Kei. I was doing nothing.” he replied, sighing another time, then he turned and held him close, closing his eyes, trying to imagine a different life, a different context, one where the other boy had chosen him because he wanted him, because he couldn’t stand to imagine spending the rest of his life with someone that wasn’t him. “I love you.” he whispered in his ear, almost as a provocation.

Kei held on to him, strong.

“I love you too, Dai-chan.”

Daiki relished the sound of those words and allowed himself the luxury of believing them, even for just a moment.

And he knew that, if his voice for once betrayed a shade of sincerity, it was just because behind his back Kei was looking at Yamada’s pictured.

That ‘I love you’ wasn’t for him.

It was never going to be.


End file.
